Cartoonist Steve Benson on the Penn State scandal
Monster. Hell on Earth. Nightmare. There isn't a word quite terrible enough to explain the devastation of the tornado that hit Moore, Okla. But those are the words newspapers across the country are using to help Americans waking up understand Monday's disaster.
The Dow dropped 389 points today to close at 11,780, while Nasdaq and S&P saw dives over 3 percent. The weakness is being blamed on Europe "as the realization sank in that Italy now must find a new political regime stable enough to implement painful cutbacks and tax increases."
The Players: Noel Biderman, CEO of Ashley Madison, a dating web site (12.2 million members and counting) whose slogan is: "Life is short. Have an affair."; "Jacqueline", a plus-sized model and porn entrepreneur who unknowingly appeared as the punchline of two of Ashley Madison's ads
The rage that has built up in your heart from the suddenly dark afternoons is understandable -- but before you go screaming into the Twitterverse, it might help if you were to have the facts straight. Message to the numerous tweeters who insist on getting it wrong (see our slideshow): this isn't Daylight Saving time -- it's standard time.
Berlusconi wins a procedural vote (but loses his majority), the Dalai Lama blames China, and Sadam Hussein's prison toilet will be headed to a U.S. museum.
Perhaps President Obama and French President Nicholas Sarkozy have a burn book as well.
Dr. Conrad Murray was found guilty in Michael Jackson's involuntary manslaughter case today.
The Players: Meghan McCain, daughter of John McCain, Conservative pundit and savvy blogger who doesn't want a "rock star president"; Newt Gingrich, Republican hopeful, distant third-placer in the Romney inevitability race and definitely not a rock star; Tucker Carlson, Conservative pundit and creator of the Daily Caller news site
Players: Dan Savage, creator of the It Gets Better project, gay rights activist, Rick Santorum's Google Nemesis and gay glitter-bombing barbarian supporter; The Dan Savage Welcoming Committee, "a member-less organization" whose only point of unity is accusing Dan Savage of hypocrisy.
Asked, "Do you think the Republicans are intentionally stalling efforts to jumpstart the economy to insure [sic] that Barack Obama is not re-elected?" a poll found that 34 percent of Florida conservatives said yes.
Maybe sexual harassment settlements don't really count as skeletons?
It's not like China or Russia are looking at your embarrassing purchases or the hours you spend watching cat videos--it's all about economics.
Gabrielle Giffords hasn't spoken publicly since the Tucson shooting, but in a little under two weeks, we just might hear from her.
Players: Jon Stewart, host of The Daily Show and a not-so-good, equal-opportunity impersonator; Donald Trump, billionaire and one-time Republican frontrunner who's been impersonated (well and badly) many times.
Lindsay Lohan is absolutely, positively, really going to jail this time, or so we're promised
Viktor Bout, who possesses (arguably) the world's most threatening nickname was found guilty by a federal jury.
Players: Nicholas Kristof, columnist for the New York Times who's built his reputation on writing about poverty and human empathy; Kim Kardashian sympathizers who have empathy for the rich and talentless, plus the Turkish people.
You aren't the only one using search engines to diagnose your symptoms when you get sick (or have a bout of hypochondria).
Mark Block, chief of staff to Herman Cain, says yesterday's media frenzy over sexual harassment claims helped the campaign post one of its best fundraising days ever with $250,000 coming into the coffers.
Reporters challenged Japanese official Yasuhiro Sonoda to drink water from the quake-leveled Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant, and today he did.
Concluding "The Obama Experiment Has Failed," the Republican National Committee's new ad capitalizes on President Obama's remark in interview with ABC News's George Stephanopoulos last month: "Well, I don't think they're better off than they were four years ago."
Jimmy Kimmel, who's used to hosting late night talk, has been tapped to host the 98th White House Correspondents's Association Dinner.
Herman Cain says that the comment "my wife comes up to my chin" and the gesture that followed were included in one of the sexual harassment charges.
The Players: Stephenie Meyer, author of the Twilight series which features sparkly vampires who long for people to love; Anne Rice, author of Interview with the Vampire which features conniving vampires who long for people to kill.
Players: Adam Mansbach, author of Go the F**k to Sleep and for the moment, the patron saint of frustrated parents; Eric Metaxes, author of It's Time To Sleep, My Love, and the uncredited inspiration for the profane children's book bestseller.
Scott Olsen, a two-tour Iraq War Vet and now a critically-injured Oakland Occupier, is recovering.
Two polls, one of millionaires and one of everyone, have both found 68 percent support for a millionaires surtax.
In today's adventures in hypotheticals, Hillary Clinton has got the 2012 election all wrapped up according to Time.
Thanks to winning 50 million rupees (roughly $1 million) on the Indian version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, Sushil Kumar will be now known as a real-life "Slumdog Millionaire" ... until someone else wins big on an Indian gameshow.
Ruth Madoff, who's being featured on 60 Minutes in the first interview she's done about her husband's crimes, says "I don't know whose idea it was, but we decided to kill ourselves because it was so horrendous what was happening."
Scott Olsen survived two tours in Iraq, but is in a hospital with critical injuries because of a confrontation between Occupy Oakland protesters and police.
In the last five years, a lot more people have been telling waiters, "tap water will be fine."
Players: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock star and part-time Occupy Wall Streeter; Dean Skelos, Republican State Senator who represents Nassau County and isn't a Wall Street Occupier
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